This poem explains why I call myself Titanium Tadpole.
TITANIUM TADPOLE (A Medical Thriller)
My right lung collapsed two times
On the lung was found a bubble
Which was probably a gift of birth.
Like most bubbles,
It inevitably burst,
Causing a deflation of ego
And a month of misery,
Until the affectionately named
University "Death Center"
Stopped giving me cough syrup
And sent me to the hospital
For an X-ray.
Words I never expected came:
"You have a partially collapsed right lung,
And we're admitting you."
There went any plans I had for a while.
Through a small incision in my chest,
I was hooked up to the tube of a vacuum machine
Which sucked out the air and fluid
That had built up outside the collapsed lung.
This caused it to naturally re-expand.
It worked. Once again, I was full of hot air.
The doctor said to me
A chance of one in three
Said that I'd be back for more.
Naturally, he was right.
Re-expansion once again,
And then the fun began.
To find the bad bubble's home
On Terra Inflata,
A cat scan was entailed...
(Sorry, I couldn't resist)...
I always thought a cat scan would be fun.
Try telling a cat to stay still for several minutes.
Through more small incisions,
A cutter-stapler removed that pesky, popping bubble,
And sealed the re-expanded lung shut with titanium staples.
A golf-ball-sized piece of my right lung is now gone,
So, I guess I'll have to pass on your invitation to a game.
Needless to say,
It is a long, breathtaking story.
Thanks to God
For giving me a back-up lung during my crisis.
Thanks also to Dr. Bryan M. Solmos
For making every new day a breath of fresh air.
Copyright © JONATHAN TAD KETCHEN (JTK.CA)